Are you thinking of getting married or re-married?  When you fall in love and think you found the person you want to spend the rest of your life with, you often avoid talking about finances, monetary obligations and goals.  It may seem unromantic, but it is necessary.  If you are marrying for a second time, this talk is even more crucial.  As a divorce attorney for over 30 years, it still amazes me when a client tells me that they have no idea what their spouse has, what he or she makes, or what he or she owes.

 In a second marriage, there are even more complications with possible child support being paid, pension monies going to a prior spouse, and info about the prior divorce contract that should be disclosed.  Questions to ask and issue to discuss and navigate through are: How are you going to contribute to the household, pay bills, and a through discussion of spending habits and money personalities.  Do you want children?  If you have children from a prior marriage, how will you have a blended family?  What are your dreams, your hopes?  Where do you see yourself as a couple in one year, three years, five years, and ten years?

            Not having transparency and honesty causes mistrust, unrealized expectations and can lead to an unhappy and failed marriage.  Money issues and lack of communication are often the reasons for divorce.

            It is difficult to discuss these issues. If you are holding onto a fairy tale happy ending you may be reluctant to bring up anything that may derail this dream.  You can seek a counselor or see a family law attorney to ask the questions you are too afraid to ask or have them take the lead to ask what should be asked. I enjoy counseling couples in this way.  I would rather see a couple before they marry rather than later across a table at court. Pre-marital and post-marital coaching is the way to address these concerns and help your marriage.

 Perhaps you have lived together or have been together a long time and expect things will just stay as they are.  Things change once you are married and legally things really change.  It is best to have a conversation about the everyday running of the household, bills, money, savings and to come clean with any “secrets” you may have. Secrets make us sick and they do the same to relationships.

            You are entering into an economic partnership as well as an emotional and romantic one.  Both you and your spouse could do well to prepare a prenup, or make an informal agreement or as I like to call them, a “love contract.”  Ron L. Deal, an expert on blended families wrote a book, “Preparing to Blend”, and he has an entire section about making such agreements.  He calls them a togetherness agreement, TA for short.  Whatever you call it, it can benefit you and help you have a successful marriage.  This agreement may be the most romantic thing that you can ever do for one another.