You may wonder how can a divorce be Cooperative? Isn’t divorce and cooperative diametrically opposed? Well not necessarily. Divorce is defined as not only “to dissolve in one’s marriage. but to separate would disassociate something or someone.” Cooperative is defined as mutual assistance in working toward a common goal.

Cooperative divorce is when both spouses and their attorneys combine these two goals. Divorce which is to dissolve and cooperate, which is mutually working toward a common goal for the benefit of the soon to be ex spouses. In cooperative divorce the parties and attorneys have a clear intention and are motivated to help their clients divorce without unnecessary litigation or working at cross purposes. It becomes a cooperative.

Both spouses in a cooperative divorce have attorneys to advocate strongly for them. The case proceeds as if it were a contested case. There is an outlining of issues. Ordering of appraisals for real estate, businesses, as well as pension and retirement assets. Formal net worth statements and financials such as tax returns, pay stubs, and copies of all bank and brokerage accounts are exchanged. If there are parental access issues the referral to a family therapist can aid in accomplishing what is best for the clients and most importantly their children. There are numerous four-way conferences and follow ups, and emails.

What is the key to Cooperative divorce? Attorneys who are experienced in matrimonial/divorce law and who know what is needed to bring a divorce to a fair and comprehensive conclusion and are willing to do the work. The attorneys work together to keep clients on track, always redirecting and refocusing them on the matters at hand. Divorce is in essence, a dissolution of a business – and economic partnership. Experienced divorce attorneys know what needs to be done to accomplish this. A steady and constant flow of information is a necessary element.

What is the difference between Cooperative divorce and litigation? The short answer is time, money, and emotional stress (or should I say distress.) Litigation is really default process. It can be triggered when one party needs some assistance which goes unheeded. Such examples are when the monied spouse refuses to pay support or bills, unreasonable expectations, and these expectations are not managed by their counsel. It can be a lack of reality, such as the amount of debt the parties have accumulated, or the amount of income they make, or the value of assets. If there is a lack of response to obtaining information or participation of settlement negotiations that can precipitate court intervention. Of course, if there is any domestic violence or safety issues regarding children, then litigation is necessary.

These are but a few of the factors that are the death knell of cooperation and leads to litigation. In litigation, the case is brought before a Judge to impose time limits, exchange of financials, identify issues, and appoint appraisals. If custody and parenting access is an issue, an attorney will be appointed by the court for the children (which the parties will pay for), and if necessary, a psychological forensic will be ordered to aid the court. In most jurisdictions the financial statement such as a net worth statement must be also filed with the court. The process becomes much more laborious delayed and costly. I am always sad for the parties when I have to commence litigation, or when an attorney on the other side of a case began to litigate before trying to settle out of court. Unfortunately, this happens much too often. Ironically, everything done in a true cooperative divorce with competent and dedicated attorneys is exactly the same procedure that is followed in litigation.

So, if you or someone you know is experiencing divorce, ask about cooperative divorce; and always remember you are in the driver’s seat. It is up to you and your spouse which divorce process to choose as well as the attorney to get you there.