As I sat on the beach on a hot summer August day I began to think about why I have come to despise divorce litigation so much.  Because of my many experiences with litigation for over 32 years, I am a big proponent of mediation and collaborative law. I felt calm and peaceful as I watched the ocean waves and the ebbing tide, I felt whole and harmonious. In litigation I never feel this way.  I feel torn apart. Constant turmoil and stress. I am engulfed by the waves of divorce litigation; drowning rather than peacefully watching from the shoreline. At the office, and even away from it, I live in a constant state of heightened anxiety; waiting for the next email, phone call, or fed ex delivery wondering what it will bring. It is chaotic and draining and this kind of practice does not foster settlement or resolution.

For these reasons I no longer wish to litigate:

  1. I do not want to be a part of my clients and their families’ self- destruction. An attorney practicing even longer than I made a comment the other day while discussing a case that I was trying to resolve with him. He had just taken the case over from another attorney that I was working with to settle the matter; a case had been going on for 3 years. COVID did not help the delay and causing things to go awry in the settlement. It was extremely frustrating because the husband had the money to hire a new attorney, he had stopped paying the mortgage and other expenses for my client even though court ordered to do so.

When I spoke to the attorney about how horrendous this situation was, and how the house was going to go into foreclosure after the COVID restrictions were lifted; and this family only had their home and retirement assets; his casual response flabbergasted me. “We can only do what we can do. The clients drive the litigation and if they want to pay us to destroy themselves, let them. That is how we make our money.” This did not sit well with me.

  •  I am tired of explaining about how the court works, what the law is and why everything takes time and is a process. I am constantly reiterating that motions need to be made, the judge cannot just make a decision and there needs to be a hearing or agreement on consent.  The level of frustration rises with no work being done by the other side between court appearances and requests for more time to respond.  When attorneys do not work to settle and resolve a case this further hurts the parties. Sometimes you make a motion before the court and you often finds oneself with adjournments and no decision for extended periods of time; sometimes until it is too late.
  •  Working with attorneys who do not have their client’s best interest at heart.  There are some attorneys who do not even tell their clients what settlement discussions or offers have been made, this is not ethical let alone helpful. Refusal to have conferences and sit and see what the issues are. A lawyer taking advantage of a situation that arises such as COVID or an accident to stop visitation or gain an advantage for custody is another litigation tool that cuts like a knife and kills the children and the parties.
  •  I am tired of watching clients lose their savings, their homes, and then begin to resent the legal fees they must pay to continue fighting a losing battle. What is even worse is when you have the monied spouse and they are paying their spouse’s legal fees as well as their own. It is a losing battle. They eventually see no benefit in the escalating legal fees as monies and time disappears.
  •  I want to be a part of the solution not part of the problem.  I became a lawyer to help people and I would hope that the clients I represented I managed to help through a very difficult time. In divorce no one is ever happy because, what a couple had together is now cut in half. There are changes in finances, parenting, living situations and the separation of a family is always heartbreaking. I want my legacy to be that I did the best I could for my clients; helping them begin a new chapter in their lives.

Honesty and integrity are important values to me. I cannot play the litigation game and prepare motions, continue to attend court appearances, and have conferences, knowing that it will all end the same way. What is the use of winning if there is nothing left to win at the end of the case?  What legacy are clients leaving their children?  Where will they be after the divorce?

This all weighs heavy on my mind and heart. As such I have come to believe to the core of my very being, I must use my skills, experience, and knowledge in mediation, cooperative cases, collaborative law, uncontested divorces, and parent coordination.  I will explain the law, work diligently for my clients, counsel them, and problem solve creatively; thus, giving them hope for a future that I am unable to do in any of my litigated cases.