Over the years considerable research has shown that high conflict between parents is a significant factor in children’s adjustment to divorce. This is one of the main reasons I am such an advocate of collaborative divorce and mediation. These processes reduce conflict as well as reduce the emotional and financial stress that is ever so common in divorce. The reason collaborative and mediation is preferable to litigation is that they both focus on teaching and mirroring communication skills and the approach is to minimize conflict.
Another alternative dispute resolution process that helps parents with conflict particularly when co-parenting, is a parent coordinator. A parent coordinator is a mental health professional or family/divorce lawyer with special training who helps parents co-parent, manage and effectuate the parenting plan, improve communication, suggest practical ways to communicate better, help with making joint decisions and resolving disputes that arise.
I highly recommend the use of a parent coordinator; they should be more wisely and readily used as the first line of defense before parents start arguing over scheduling, decision making, or ineffective communication. I am currently serving as a parent coordinator because I know just how important and how great a need there is. I enjoy acting as a parent coordinator and find it extremely rewarding.
When a client returns to see me after a divorce or conclusion of a family court matter because they were served with a violation or modification petition, (stating the parenting plan was not followed or that something should be changed), I lament the return to court. I often think if they had just made use of the services of a parent coordinator to help them navigate co-parenting and improve their communication skills, court may have been avoided. A return to court further damages the parents and their children, in addition to causing additional financial strain.
Why should you consider a parent coordinator?
- You may avoid court which involves hiring attorneys for yourself and having an attorney appointed for your children which you may have to pay for.
- It may reduce stress on your children and help them adjust in a healthy way, during and after the divorce.
- You will learn skills for conflict resolution communication and problem solving. You will model the skills for your children and the skills will aid in your interaction with them as well as your children learning healthy ways to interact. They will have better relationships.
- You will have the support, knowledge and expertise to make the best overall decisions for your children. A parent coordinator’s main concern is your children and them having quality and nurturing relationships with both parents and for them to grow into successful and well -adjusted adults; a parent coordinator can bring clarity and perspective when trying to make a decision about your child and their future
- You will be able to enjoy life events with your children, with your ex present or not. Your children will not be torn, embarrassed or stressed at their graduation, prom night, dance recital or a championship game.
- You will have more time to just be a Mom or Dad. With less drama, unreliability, and stressful interactions your energy and focus can be on your life as well as being the best parent you can be.
Children are children for such a short time. They grow up so fast. Good parents give their children roots and then wings. A parent coordinator can help you establish firm and healthy roots so when they are able to fly, they head in the right direction.
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