I like happy endings. When I reread a favorite novel or watch a movie again and there is an unhappy ending I have this fantasy that this time the hero won’t die, the couple will stay together, the prisoner will not be electrocuted. In my highly contested divorce cases the ending of Tolstoy’s Anna Karenina comes to mind. The train is moving towards her.  She is about to throw herself on the track. I want to grab her arm and stop her or scream, “Count Vronsky loves you don’t do it!” and save her from herself.

I feel the same way in my divorce cases.  At times it is like watching a train wreck. I know the outcome and all the missteps and yet I cannot stop my client from being run over by the divorce train. What is worse is in my divorce cases I sometimes feel like the conductor who not only watches but runs over the client.  As a divorce case begins a client pays a retainer. They are pumped up and ready to fight. They have no concept of what lies ahead. They have some preconceived notions. They want their day in court, they will be told they are right, and their spouse is wrong.  They think I am going to make it happen. As the case unfolds with adjournment after adjournment, exchange of financials, motions for support and the various court appearances which give them no resolution or feeling of being heard and listened to, their dissatisfaction and frustration begins to set in and grows.

They become annoyed at having to gather 3 to 5 years worth of tax returns, financial documents, credit card statements ,all account statements  as well as in some cases documents for retirement  accounts or bank accounts from the day of the marriage to establish separate property credits. If they cannot get the documents they are at a great disadvantage. They become angry when they comply and their spouse does not. I often hear, “Can’t the Judge make them do it?!”

I explain it is a court of law and there are court procedures to follow – motions to compel or produce. This cost time, money, and more court appearances. The finances are but one aspect of this quagmire. If the attorneys cannot agree on custody (joint legal being the norm) and a parenting access schedule within a specified time, then there will be an attorney assigned for their child or children. This is another retainer to pay. Usually the “monied”/”working” spouse  ( often a misnomer because unless a couples earns  over $300,000 and have significant liquid savings this course become  unaffordable ) In some cases real estate appraisals, pension appraisals, business evaluations ,and possible forensics (psychological evaluations) to aid the court in custody determinations are also required. These cost significant amounts of money. The list of expenses goes on and on.

The train is moving down the track. Retainers are depleted. More money is paid.   The clients continue to flail themselves by fighting (no one wants to “give” in ) and the train moves down the track. Neither client is happy – one household income that usually lived paycheck to paycheck or used credit card debt or home equity loans to manage their expenses because they did not live within their means is now supporting two households. The parties blame each other and eventually the Judge, and of course,  their lawyers. Ouch!

At this juncture I attempt to do a cost benefit analysis with the client. I ask what is it costing you to pay me?  What is the cost to pay the attorneys for their children and possibly even their spouse’s attorney?  How many days off from work are you losing for court appearances? What is the physical and emotional toll? 

 If I have the non monied spouse I tried to tell them they are delaying the inevitable. They will receive a certain amount of money and assets and support, and they will have to manage. Maybe they cannot keep the house after all.  Maybe they should rethink their strategy. I as the conductor have stopped the train at a station to allow the client to think about all this. Will it continue down the track?  I quietly wait with anticipation and hope not.

At some point I hear, “Why can’t the Judge just decide?” A lesson of jurisprudence follows explaining how a Judge can suggest but cannot force a settlement or make a decision without a trial and the presentation of evidence and sworn testimony. My client then usually looks at me in a daze with eyes glazed over and then asks, how long will it be before the trial will end and when will they be divorced?  Next, I am asked how much is the trial going to cost meaning how much am I going to cost? I remind them there are many other fees besides mine such as paying experts to testify, court minutes for every day of trial and subpoenas just to name a few.

 I blow the train whistle. I wonder “Is he or she getting it?” Where do we go from here? Any well prepared divorce should settle if you have two good attorneys who can control their clients and manage their expectations. Once you have appraisals, financials, and a handle on the assets and liabilities as well as the family dynamic it should end. At this point I hope I do not have to continue to watch this train wreck and wonder if the clients have both sufficiently depleted their resources for litigation, are beat up and tired enough to get out of the trains way?!

If not the train will continue down the track. Assets will continue to be decimated and perhaps the sale of the very house they wanted to hold on to  must now be put on the market. However, at the closing debt and attorney’s fees are paid off before either spouse gets their share. Monies earmarked for college or retirement are no more. When will it end?

That is up to you. As a divorce litigator I can drive the train to the end of the tracks. I will take your money and your spouse’s attorney will do the same.  The train can stop before that. I prefer not to drive the train to the end of the tracks and with each case I hope we do not have to go there; but I am only the conductor you determine the route we take and final destination.