As a divorce attorney, the saddest situation I face is when a client contemplating divorce does not want to get divorced but feels compelled to because, if they do not, their financial situation may end up being much worse.  After seeing an attorney and being advised of their rights going forward, they realize, if they do not divorce and time goes by and the marriage ultimately ends, they will be financially devastated to a greater degree than if they had pulled the trigger when they first considered the divorce.  

If you are in a troubled marriage, you may want to consider a post-nup. You may ask: Who needs a post-nup? Firstly, consider your finances. If there are large assets at stake that keep increasing in value (such as a pension, 401 K), if  there is a possibility that one of the you will be entitled to alimony/maintenance (as the duration will increase based on the number of years married), if a spouse is a gambler or spendthrift and there is rising debt, if there is a business or professional practice that is growing in value, or one of you wants to begin a new business venture, if there is an inheritance that you or your spouse received or expects to receive, or if you are at an age where you are contemplating retirement. 

 A post-nup is similar to a prenup.  It is a contract entered into during the marriage.  It can outline finances and what will happen if the marriage fails at the same time.  It enables and gives people the space to work on their marriage; knowing what will happen if the marriage does end.  

A post-nup done in a collaborative way; it may not only help you financially and legally but it can actually help you learn to communicate and resolve conflicts.  If there is a particular issue that is driving you apart, it can be uncovered and resolved legally.  In the collaborative process, both you and your spouse will have your own collaboratively trained attorneys to advise and advocate for you.  If the attorneys and you and your spouse feel a financial professional or coach is needed, they can be added to the team.  Together we will identify the underlying issues of why a post-nup may be necessary and do it with everyone’s participation,  your goals  being met and addressed.  

By way of example, a couple I worked with was considering buying a new home.  The husband was concerned, because he already felt overwhelmed by the finances as it was, and the wife did not want to return to work to help with the income.  The wife, however, was about to receive a large inheritance.  They mutually agreed that the wife would contribute her inheritance toward the down payment, and if the parties divorced, she would not get the money back even though she would be entitled to that based on the law.  The money served as her contribution toward their dream home.  It would reduce the amount of the mortgage, and she would not be forced to go back to work.  The husband was content with that and actually agreed to take a promotion which he was holding back on for fear of what would happen if he took the job.  The wife agreed to support him in his new job, take on more responsibility at home, and, if they divorced, they agreed that that maintenance would be paid to her. They agreed maintenance would be capped and how long the maintenance would be paid with different scenarios. 

Situations such as that can edify the relationship, help a couple develop trust and have a sense of security.  If a marriage can be saved, made stronger, and secure, isn’t it worth a try? To not confront and solve problems as they arise only leads to more problems, growing resentment and financial and emotional damage.  The collaborative process is the best way to forge a lasting reconciliation and a secure future together.