April is upon us. Where did April get its name from?  April derives its name from the word aperio, meaning open.  This is because plants and buds bloom and open in spring.  April is synonymous with spring, renewal, and rebirth.  The daisy and the sweet pea are the flowers of April and the diamond is the gemstone.  April 1st is April Fool’s Day; ironically it is also the National Day of Hope.  April 28th is also pay it forward day.  Pay it forward means more than random acts of kindness. It involves intentional acts and the “hope” is it will have ripple effects of kindness to others and on and on.  In thinking about April Fool’s Day and the month of April in general, the following quotes seemed very appropriate.  

            1.         “We have all been fooled once in our lives.”  How many of us can relate to that one.

            2.         “Be the change you want to see in the world.”  Gandhi

            3.         “If you can’t feed a hundred people feed one.”  Mother Theresa.

            Definitely food for thought.  I began to seriously think about rebirth renewal and how without self-awareness and the ability to take a step back we can never “grow.”  As April is a month of growth and hope, maybe it is a time for us to see how we can grow and bloom as well.  

How can we become better parents, partners, workers, spouses, bosses, friends, and citizens; how can we give back?  Perhaps the place to start is in our own home and with our own family.  What kind act can we do for our spouse, children, former spouse, parents, or relatives?  I am sure you have heard the old saying familiarity breeds contempt.  We often focus on what those closest to us do not do or do not have; versus what their qualities and gifts are and what they do do for us.

Look at your relationships. Perhaps you are separated or divorced.  If so maybe you can give your past partner the benefit of the doubt.  If you are not coparenting well or having problems communicating or making decisions, propose a solution such as family therapy or scheduling an appointment with a parent coordinator rather than just complaining or blaming them.  I often help former couples with coparenting issues as a parent coordinator and sometimes all it takes is a few suggestions, listening, and tweaking of a schedule to help parents and their children have a better and less stressful  relationship. 

            Are you  caring for an elderly parent? If so, are you seeking the help and expertise of someone to help you navigate this difficult life situation.  If you are entrusted with the care of aging parents you need to make the best decisions for their future.  I often counsel families in my practice on the best ways to help aging parents; as well as how to take care of the caregiver, and the parent in need; putting a comprehensive plan together for both. 

 If you are getting older, do you have a plan in place if you become ill or die suddenly so that your spouse and children during a devastating loss do not have to worry about money, funeral arrangements, or legal issues as a result of your death.  I counsel families all the time about dealing with these issues before it is too late, giving the surviving loved one’s peace of mind so that they can just grieve the tremendous loss they face in your absence instead of being distracted and anxiety ridden about what will happen next.  Having to act and make decisions when one is not in the best state to do so is traumatizing and not in anyone’s best interest.  It is best to seek the help you need to find solutions to ongoing problems. 

 I often do this in my role as lawyer, parent coordinator and even as a mediator.  I try to find creative solutions to people’s problems rather than cause unnecessary division, and further damage.  I try to instill the ideas of hope and facing a problem head on before it becomes worse.  Hope in psychology is defined as expectations of a better outcome and belief in finding creative possibilities.  We all need hope.  Without hope one can fall into despair. Taking care of your family as it exists is definitely an act of love and care and a perfect way to pay it forward for the next generation.

 In conclusion, enjoy the month of April and the beginning of spring.  I hope you take up the challenge of pay it forward.  You have 28 days from April 1st to decide what you will do and for whom.  I have great hope for us all!