I have been teaching a divorce-healing workshop sponsored by the New York Archdiocese.  It is a 12-week program, and there is a 30-minute taped lecture on specific topics relevant to divorce and separation.  Last week, one of the topics was anger. The speakers explained how a divorce can cause pain, unforgiveness, and resentment.  One of the experts was Father Mitch Pacwa, a brilliant and renowned Jesuit theologian.  He said divorce is akin to an amputation.  This resonated with me.

 The loss of divorce feels like a part of yourself is cut off.  On may lose their home, money, children, a lifestyle, friends, security, and even their identity.  You may feel like the walking wounded.  It is necessary to realize this is a traumatic time, and you need to heal. Get the help you need to support yourself emotionally and spiritually.

  Recognize this and take time to grieve.  Make a list of what you have lost.  Take the list and when you are done, burn it or rip it to shreds.  Then, when you are ready, make a list of how you want your life to be in the future.  How do you envision your life going forward.  For example, perhaps you had to leave your home because of a sale or a buyout by your ex-spouse.  What will your new home be like and where will it be?

            Perhaps you lived in a busy city-like area and always wanted to live by the sea, country, or a warmer climate.  Maybe you want to live in a condo or a co-op with amenities such as a gym and pool.  This is a time to dream.  perhaps you want to travel or even buy a motorhome.  Your life is like a blank page, and you can color it anyway you want.

            Speak to your attorney about your dreams and how you see your future so you can structure a settlement based on what you need and what is most important to you.  This of course must be based on the law and a realistic assessment of your assets, debts and income.

            Your life will not be the same but that does not mean it cannot be a fulfilling one.  At the DePalo Law Firm, we work with you to make sure the next chapter of your life is a good one.  We deal with the immediate needs resulting from a divorce but with an eye on your future. We are there every step of the way at the DePalo Law Firm.